This is one for the Stupid Recipes Cookbook.

Foolproof Pumpkin Pie except if it catches on fire
by Leslie Strom

1 box of refrigerated ready-made pie pastry, not the stuff already in tin pans but the stuff already rolled out in rounds. It won't kill you to buy a pie pan, expecially a ceramic deep dish one.

1 large can of pumpkin

2 cans of evaporated milk.

clove

ginger

cinnamon

salt

4 eggs

3/4 cup brown sugar

3/4 cup granulated sugar

Whipping cream with a little vanilla

 

2 pie pans

large pyrex measuring bowl

Remove the batteries from your smoke alarm

Set the pastry out to come to room temperature. Follow the pie directions on the pumpkin can, except triple the spices, because this is pretty much what we look for in pumpkin pie anyway, and experiment with the sugar. I don't know what they were thinking with smidgey drabs of spices. Preheat the oven. Mix the filling ingredients in the pyrex bowl. Fit the pastry in the pie pans... this can be amusing and theraputic to do in front of television. Build up the edges for maximum volume.

Put the pans on the oven rack, THEN fill them from the pyrex bowl. The alternative is to carry a brimming, sloshing pan of pumpkin liquid, which will spill all over the oven door. Bake according to the instructions on the can. Wait for a too-thin piece of the crust to fall off and hit the oven element. Listen for that distinctive "FOOF!" sound that tells you it's in flames. Turn on the range fan and open the window. Stand watch with a fire extinguisher to see that the fire doesn't go any further.

Enjoy the blackened edges and unusual color of your pies. Obscure the less sightly parts with whipped cream and enjoy.

Sweet Potato Pie
by Maude Lynn

1 prepared 9 inch pie crust

2 lbs sweet potatoes, cooked, yield 2 Cups sweet potato flesh

2 Tbsp unsalted butter, softened

2 large eggs plus 2 yolks

1/2 tsp grated nutmeg

1/4 tsp salt

2-3 Tbsp bourbon

1 Tbsp molasses

1 tsp vanilla

2/3 cup whole milk

1/4 cup packed brown sugar

Preheat oven to 375. Line pie crust with foil, fill with pie weights and bake for about 18 minutes until dry and light colored. Remove foil and weights and bake for an additional 9 minutes, until golden. Remove and lower oven temp to 350.

While potato flesh is still hot (or microwave) add butter and mash with a fork or wooden spoon to combine.

Whisk together eggs and remaining ingredients EXCEPT the brown sugar. You can make it open flame-able by pouring the bourbon into a flame-proof container (a stainless steel ladle is good) then igniting it. While it burns bright blue flames, add it to the rest of the ingredients. Gradually add the egg mixture to the sweet potatoes, whisking gently until combined.

While pie crust is still warm (or reheat 4 minutes) sprinkle brown sugar over bottom of crust. Pour sweet potato filling over the brown sugar layer and bake until just set, but center is still jiggly, about 45 minutes.

Cool to room temp before serving.

Pumpkin Ginger Ice Cream Pie
by Martha Strom

O.K. I give up. Why are we doing a pumpkin recipe in January? Here I was going to do the worlds greatest meatloaf. And it really is! Anyway I should expect the unexpected. You are my offspring. Here's a great sounding recipe. Haven't tried it but it is no bake and very easy so give it a try. It even keeps well in the freezer for a month or so. If anyone wants the World's Greatest Meatloaf recipe let me know. It's outstanding, a classic and was NOT the one I used when you were a small, sniveling, complaining pain in my ear. It's great with a baked potato, lemony buttered string beans and Joe's Mother's Italian Salad (Joe being a guy I went to North Hollywood high school with)--lots of avocado, lettuce and garlic croutons in the best creamy, garlicky, lemony oregano dressing you've ever tasted!

Mom: we'll do the meatloaf recipe later. You make it sound so good. But of course, you made it sound good 40 years ago. I'm older now. I'm not so gullible. I have my eye on you. I suspect you're distracting us from the Terrifying Meatloaf with the salad and the string beans, but we'll see next month.

To our readers: This pie is no-bake for a reason. By now you're probably tired of singeing off your eyebrows with the other two recipes.

On to pumpkins.

1-9 inch ready made graham cracker pie shell

1 cup pumpkin

1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp. vanilla

1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg

1/4 ground ginger

1/4 tsp. salt

2 tbs. chopped candied ginger

1 cup whipping cream, whipped

1 pint (2 cups) vanilla ice cream, softened

In a mixing bowl combine pumpkin, sugar, spices, chopped ginger salt and vanilla. Fold in whipped cream. Spread softened ice cream in bottom of graham cracker pie shell. Spoon pumpkin filling on top and spread evenly. Cover and freeze for at least 4 hours or over night. Garnish with additional whipped cream if you'd like and sprinkle with a little additional chopped candied ginger. Sounds like a good idea to me. Makes 8 servings. If you can't find candied ginger locally try Williams Sonoma catalogue (mail order, $14.50)